(Published in 'The Tart', 15 January 2009).
Alistair Darling's eyebrows have today announced an unscheduled walkout, citing poor working conditions as the reason for their industrial action.
Their decision to strike was taken following an interview with Sky's Jeff Randall, during which the Chancellor refused to apologise for Labour's mishandling of the economy in the run-up to the current Recession.
In a statement, Left Eyebrow said, "It's just impossible to work in these conditions any more. We're being tarred with the same brush as the rest of the Chancellor's body, and we refuse to be held responsible for his incompetence. And we don't want to have to listen to any more of the limp rubbish Gordon tells him to spout, it's making us go droopy."
He added, "It's not even as if we're treated as a part of his body. I mean, we don't even match his hair. It makes us stand out, it's discriminatory, and we end up being used as a diversion from the real issues."
The eyebrows were originally believed to be Saddam Hussein's moustache, liberated from the Presidential Palace in Baghdad following the 2003 invasion. However, this was proved to be false in 2006, when it was announced that far from being a spoil of war, the eyebrows were just a stupid, bushy appendage to Gordon Brown's sock-puppet.
A meeting has been scheduled at the conciliation service ACAS in an attempt to allow Mr Darling's eyebrows to air their grievances.
Their decision to strike was taken following an interview with Sky's Jeff Randall, during which the Chancellor refused to apologise for Labour's mishandling of the economy in the run-up to the current Recession.
In a statement, Left Eyebrow said, "It's just impossible to work in these conditions any more. We're being tarred with the same brush as the rest of the Chancellor's body, and we refuse to be held responsible for his incompetence. And we don't want to have to listen to any more of the limp rubbish Gordon tells him to spout, it's making us go droopy."
He added, "It's not even as if we're treated as a part of his body. I mean, we don't even match his hair. It makes us stand out, it's discriminatory, and we end up being used as a diversion from the real issues."
The eyebrows were originally believed to be Saddam Hussein's moustache, liberated from the Presidential Palace in Baghdad following the 2003 invasion. However, this was proved to be false in 2006, when it was announced that far from being a spoil of war, the eyebrows were just a stupid, bushy appendage to Gordon Brown's sock-puppet.
A meeting has been scheduled at the conciliation service ACAS in an attempt to allow Mr Darling's eyebrows to air their grievances.
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