Friday 9 January 2009

Government Announces New Data Loss Method

Published in 'The Tart', 9 January 2009

The Government has introduced new legislation on email storage, following a revelation that there was no private data left to be lost any more.

From March, all Internet Service Providers will have to keep information about every single email sent or received over the previous year. This information is to be held by a private company, Data Losss Services PLC, who will ensure that it is left in adequately public places on a regular basis.

A Home Office Spokesman said, "the sad fact is, we have seen a reduction in the number of data-loss incidents in the last quarter of 2008, made worse by people attempting to keep their private data private. Obviously this is not acceptable, and the new policy will ensure this Government has many more opportunities to lose the private data of the general public in future".

Data Loss Services PLC, who won the contract for the Governments information-mishandling requirements last year after their salesman left the tender documentation in a porn cinema in Birmingham, have insisted that they can provide a higher level of incompetence than Government departments themselves.

Derek Lostit, CEO of Data Loss Services, said, "There is a clear need for some new, radical thinking in the data-incompetence field, and we are the company to provide it. We need to look past the usual 'laptop on train' scenario, and with the new mass of private data being provided by this legislation, we are confident of finding innovative ways to lose personal details.

For example, we are planning a major first in the data mismanagement world shortly after the law comes into effect, with the inadvertent posting of three million sets of bank details to a Nigerian prince we've been chatting with".

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